Write to someone who died
Write to them the way you would if they could read it. Say what you miss, what you wish you'd said, and what has happened since they died.
If you don't know how to start
Choose a line to add it to your letter.
If writing brings up more than you can handle on your own, call or text 988 to talk with someone, any time.
Dear …,
Nothing you write is sent anywhere.
Last checked . General information, not medical advice. A doctor or hospice nurse can answer questions about one person.
The letter stays in your browser. Nobody else sees it, and nothing is sent. Writing to the person who died has helped some people with grief, and one study found less grief three months after a week of writing.
Quick facts
- In one small study, three 20-minute writing sessions over a week reduced prolonged grief symptoms three months later (Lichtenthal and Cruess, Death Studies, 2010).
- Online programs where mourners write to the person who died have helped people with prolonged grief (American Psychiatric Association, as of 2026).
- The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is free and confidential, by call, text or chat, at any hour (988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, as of 2026).
Questions people ask
- Is my letter saved or sent anywhere?
- No. It stays in this browser on this device, and nothing is sent to us or anyone else. Clearing your browser data deletes it.
- Does writing a letter help with grief?
- It can. One small study found less grief and depression three months after a week of writing. The APA notes that writing notes to the person who died has helped people with prolonged grief.
- What do you write in a letter to someone who died?
- Anything you would want them to know: what you miss, what you're sorry for, what you're grateful for, and what's happened since they died.
More questions
- Is it normal to feel like the person is still here?
- Yes. The National Cancer Institute says dreams about the person, and moments of sensing them near, are part of normal grief.
About this exercise
Why write to someone who died?
A letter is a place for the things you didn't get to say. The American Psychiatric Association notes that online programs where mourners write notes to the person who died have helped people with prolonged grief.
In one small study of bereaved college students, three 20-minute writing sessions over a week reduced symptoms of prolonged grief, depression and post-traumatic stress three months later. Writing about anything good that had come out of the loss seemed to help most.
The authors note that the students mostly had mild symptoms, so the results may not apply to everyone.
How do you start a letter to someone who died?
Start with their name, the way you used to. Then write whatever comes. There is no wrong way. If you're stuck, try one of these:
- What I want you to know is…
- The last few weeks without you have been…
- I keep thinking about the time we…
- I'm sorry that…
- Thank you for…
- Something has changed since you died…
What should you do with the letter?
There is no rule. You can keep it and read it again on an anniversary, or write another one months later to see what has changed. You can print it and read it at the grave, burn it, or bring it to a grief counselor.
Our guide on how long grief lasts has more on what helps.
If writing brings up more than you can handle on your own, talk to someone. Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org, at any hour. It's free and confidential, and it isn't only for suicidal crises.
Sources (4)
- American Psychiatric Association: Prolonged grief disorder
- Lichtenthal and Cruess, Effects of directed written disclosure on grief and distress symptoms among bereaved individuals, Death Studies, 2010 (PMC)
- NCI: Grief, bereavement, and coping with loss (PDQ), patient version
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline